adream_catcher

Dear God I haven't visited this site in a while. Reading over old posts is pretty embarrassing, catching up with other peoples' is pretty enlightening. I was a drama queen and it stung back then but things are feeling much better now. Crazy to see where we all end up in the end. Definitely not how we imagined.

Wow it's been a long time
In more than one way.

Don't write a letter when you want to leave
Don't call me at 3 a.m. from a friend's apartment
I'd like to choose how I hear the news
Take me to a park that's covered with trees
Tell me on a Sunday please

Let me down easy
No big song and dance
No long faces, no long looks
No deep conversation
I know the way we should spend that day
Take me to a zoo that's got chimpanzees
Tell me on a Sunday please


Don't want to know who's to blame
It won't help knowing
Don't want to fight day and night
Bad enough you're going


Don't leave in silence with no word at all
Don't get drunk and slam the door
That's no way to end this
I know how I want you to say goodbye
Find a circus ring with a flying trapeze
Tell me on a Sunday please


Don't want to fight day and night
Bad enough you're going
Don't leave in silence with no word at all
Don't get drunk and slam the door
That's no way to end this
I know how I want you to say goodbye


Don't run off in the pouring rain
Don't call me as they call your plane
Take the hurt out of all the pain
Take me to a park that's covered with trees
Tell me on a Sunday please

-Andrew LLoyd Weber





Please let me choose how I hear it. It was so hard hearing it from you the first time, because it was so true, and no one had ever said that to me before. I am sorry I took it so harshly and that I got so hurt by it. But just let me decide when and where and how I'll hear it. Wether this be a goodbye or not,tell me on a sunday please..

Hmm

Thanks

Why do you feel the need to make a life a shitfest?

like honestly..what have I done to you?

you like feed on me feeling like shit...why?

You're everything I know that makes me believe I'm not alone

I miss New Orleans

and my old friends

and dancing 4 hours everyday

and being consistently happy

and my house

and my mom and brother

and I miss you buddy..

hmm
I never write in this much anymore

wonder why that is?

Yup yup yup

That was all about you

I wanna hit you sometimes..

hard
and with a bat

School is starting soon
really soon

shitfuckdamnbitch


How I miss my city
How I miss my two weeks of Franklin and my summer and two weeks of Nocca and all that other stuff high school was supppose to be for me..

oh well


just gotta suck it up I guessss


Time to put the mask back on..

1st year anniversary of hurricane katrina...
wow

So, there is light and electricity in my house now, we went to go see it today..my mom was bouncing off the walls with excitement and my brother was filled with glee, and I just stood in what was my room smiling, knowing what would come..

My mom called me a myspace ho today..
Thought that was pretty funny

so yep, that's all

So I wake up this morning, and I hear a very calming rain, I fully wake up and I look out of my window and I see a child playing in the rain happy as ever, nothing protecting her, throwing her caution to the wind and her reckless abandon to the world as she was playing outside made me think...when did I lose that? Everything I do now is carefully planned and sought out, not just going for it..always thinking about what can go wrong and never really in the moment. Is this what I want the rest of my life to be? Is there a happy medium between the beauty and spontaneity of the young girl playing in the rain that I wish my life had more of, and the security of having everything planned and ready?
...I sure do hope so



(Hmm I think I also abuse the power of the ... also)

Hmm I'm feeeling rather fat today..it's weird

Getting to Exeter is gonna be complicated for various reasons, but I'm rather fucking excited, even if I do suck at math and french.

Hmm im starting to get the feeling that I just got accepted as the "Hurricance Kid", but that always creeps in somehow

I'm so ready to leave tho, so tired of the hurricane refugee life I've truly experienced for the first time this summer...Im ready to back into my escape..Exeter

So I basically like really don't want to be here right now
Anywhere but here would be paradise right now..


I just got into a huge (verbal) fight with Vernon (my mom's bf)..It wasn't one of the little explosions we usually had..this lasted about and hour, and triggered a fight between him and my mom...I was just fixing food and he started saying how I don't do anything and I just sit around and don't work hard and just mooch off my mom and that I'll never amount to anything...and went on with this, for a really long time
And after about 15 of trying to say something snappy to him..I just stood there,speechless..tears falling out of my eyes

And did he stop?

No way

He then talked about how he is going to take all my stuff and throw it out and how all my books on broadway and art and dance are pieces of shit..

So basically just kill me now...or come and save me

I don't know what to do anymore, I just don't want to be here...

Ah, maybe if I just wasn't so..I don't know, these things wouldn't start and I wouldn't feel like such shit


Im gonna go cry for a while now..

Yesturday was my grandparent's 50th anniversary
50 fucking years
And they seem so happy...seem being the key word there
It made me think about the kind of romantic relationships I want in my life, wether I want to be with one person all my life, or get new experiences, meet new people..heavy stuff. And it doesn't even seem as if I can even get a relationship with anyone right now so why am I even rambling about this? So it was the first time most of my family was together since the storm..it was so nice seeing all my family and friends that I grew up with again..And there was this slide show that we watched which almost brought me to tears. Everyone use to be so close..and things are so different. Weird what one hurricane can do

So dance at ADF was going pretty great...
Until the blocking on the stage
Everything just sort of seemed to fall apart, the spacing was off the stage was loud, everyone was getting very pissed off at each other..and I don't think we should perform. We should just take class and let it end happpy..but anyways
I go home soon! yay!!
So I go home, and then I start another dance intensive..
then the fun part of my summer officially ends there I think. I get to start studying for school so tha I don't fall behind more than I alreayd have but anyways
hI'm gonna go talk to Anne now

Bye!!

Just thought I should upddta ewhen I'm actually happy!!


YAY!

Bye!